Why is it that people do not look at Mental abuse as an actual abuse? Yes there is no marks on your body. There is nothing physical to prove that this abuse is actually happening or it has happened. With the mental abuse I endured for 5 years, I can say that abuse has affected me more then the other abuses I endured. But yet here I sit and I am not even able to say my side of the story. I am not able to share the reason I was in the hospital. I feel like the things I went though is not important.
I was seriously affected by being yelled at almost everyday. It made me feel scared, unwanted, unworthy, unlovable, and that I will never be good enough. I was really scared to leave because what if something even worse happened. I wanted to protected my children but I could not. If I want go to them and tried to comfort them the yelling would get even worse. I was told how awful of a parent I was because I did not “beat” my children. With all this stuff stuck in my head, I felt helpless.
I started to find other ways to deal with the pain I was facing. I would cut my arm to feel a different kind of pain. I would stop eating because that was the only thing I could control at the time. I shut myself off from all my friends and my family because I did not think they would believe me. I got to the point that I either wanted to sleep all the time or just stare at the wall. I stopped standing up for myself because it would make everything worse for me and my children.
Mental abuse affects so much in your life. I am sitting here with with my story to share and not able to tell. They only look at me being in the hospital and it’s an awful thing to get help mentally. They say I am a “danger” or I am not a good enough parent because I signed myself into the hospital. I just wish some people would listen to me and understand why I was at the place I was at. Yes I thought killing myself was a better way out at the time. It would of stopped the pain.
It is time to start looking at mental abuse and taking it more seriously. Because it can affect many people in many different ways. It is time for the survivors to get their story out there and someone listen to them. Maybe once we get our stories out, then maybe we can start healing and living our lives the way we should be. Not in fear, not in hiding. Maybe our walls will break done even more and we can start trusting again. Maybe we can live a healthy life style. We can show the world how strong we are and we can fight no matter what.